Divorce: Releasing the Toxic Emotions

The meanings we add to what happens to us are not the facts. Our interpretations of life dictate our future. There are the facts of life and our personal interpretations of those facts. We add meaning where oftentimes there is no other meaning than the fact itself. For example, my husband is cold and heartless. That means that I have failed to elicit his warmth and therefore I am a failure in this marriage. That is just your interpretation. The fact remains that your husband is a cold person which is based on his past and not yours and over which you have no control! Watch carefully how you choose to interpret reality. It will make all the difference in the world for you.

9. Try separating the facts from the drama. Oh the drama of it all. He left me for no reason, he is a cad, I have suffered such abuse, he is causing me such unhappiness and this marriage was so destructive to me. Facts? He left because the marriage was not working and no one was happy, I am not an overly happy person to begin with, the destructive marriage is over and the future is available to me if I am willing to let go of the past. Do yourself a big favor and separate fact from drama.

10. Don’t let the mind chatter run the show because you will forever stay stuck. Learn to disempower the mind chatter by not responding to it. Hear it, notice it, and thank it for sharing and them move on. Don’t argue with it or attempt a logical conversation. Mind chatter loves the status quo and abhors change so when change is in the air it will get very loud.

11. Learn to forgive.  Forgiveness is not condoning bad behavior, it is simply forgiving it. If you capable of forgiveness then you are capable of letting go of toxic emotions. Look at the other person and see their inner child much like your own. Separate their behavior from that inner child and it is much easier to forgive.

12. Fall in love with yourself, warts and all. Honor everything about you. Make a list of all the things you like about yourself. Get your friends to tell you what they love about you. Now look at the things that you think are not so hot about yourself. Have they allowed you to do certain things that enhance you? Can you simply see that they are all a part of you? Can you see that you can also work to soften the edges?  You are a totally unique individual who will never be around again. You have a gift to give the world that is yours and yours alone.

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