The Year I Ran Away From Home

Ten years ago I had had enough, kids, parents, siblings, friends, and lovers. I wanted my life back, I wasn’t sure just what that life was but I wanted it. And if it meant that I had to leave town to find it, I would! I had become the family caretaker.

Well, I decided to pack it up and move across the state. It took a while  to put everything in order, transfer my job, find a place to live, talk to my family; that was one of the hardest decisions of my life, what to tell them, the truth or some fabrication that I could come up with. Fortunately I had been involved with some one, a man who was caring and considerate and moving across the state. What timing, yes I lied; I told my parents what I was doing and how I just couldn’t live without him! They fell for it. Now, I was not a little girl, I was in my fortys, had raised my children, and thought I was settled.

When I was all packed and nearly ready to go my oldest son came in. He was a little tipsy and used his key, I told him to hit the couch and I’d see him in the morning, I thought he had gone to sleep but he hadn’t, he had his own mission, he had come to tell me how much he loves me,and he cried,I asked him why he was so upset, and he reverted to childhood[we all do at times] .The accusations started flying ,that I didn’t care, or love him or his brother, what would they do without me … and on it went. That’s when I told him the truth, that I needed this for me and that it wasn’t forever, and too I was only a couple of hours away. Then I looked him in the eye and let him know it wasn’t forever. Only a short while, only until I could find me .

He swore I was running away, I guess in a way I was, but I found myself, that was November 1998, I was back in a little more than a year and a half. I came home to take care of my aging and ailing parents. Both were ill and in need. I have no regrets about going, nor that I had a good time[it was a blast] I do regret that in order to understand my own family I felt the need to leave. Both are gone now, but, both lived well.

I do believe that I was probably going through my own form of empty nesting, both boys were gone, I found that I was floundering, I just didn’t have a direction. That’s all changed, I’ve re-learned how to take care of me, I don’t worry any more about the silly little things, I take life as it comes, and ‘dodge the bullets.’

Yes, I ran away, but then I came home.