Unable to Give Up

So, I am still confused about a lot of things. I am angry and devastated and embarrassed that he would do this to me and the children. Kevin is a good provider, and a good father, but not a good partner. I had to find out about another house that he had through another girl. All I do is cry and feel depressed. He has lied to me and I can’t trust him. I ask him why did he do this to me, and he swears that he never had sex with anyone, and that he did it because I do not appreciate him, and because we argue all the time. All I do is think about plans to ruin his life. I have told his entire family that he was on the internet emailing fifteen-year-old girls. I inquired about paying someone to beat him up, among other things. I know that it is not right, but I want him to pay for what he has done to me. After all of this, I still want to marry him. I do not want to raise three kids by myself. He says that he will always be there for the children, but I would have to go to counseling first. (That’s the problem, he’s always there for the kids, but what about me.) We like to play the blame game. He says that he also needs to go to counseling, but the only reason why he needs it is to deal with me. I disagree. If a man needs to go to counseling to deal with someone else, then I really am lost for words. Please give me suggestions, I am not sure whether this relationship is too far gone, or is it workable.  Because, I am unable to give up.