Do you want a baby this year? I am convinced of the usefulness of setting goals in life. I don’t mean just sort of having some vague idea in your mind of what you want. I mean concretely thinking things over and converting these thoughts into words. Each year, I take time not only to come up with goals, but to commit them to writing. In fact, I don’t limit this activity to just each January 1st. I update my goals on a regular basis. Time and time again, I’ve shared this habit with friends who later told me that the more they got into the habit of writing down clear goals, the more that their lives gravitated towards their getting what they wanted.
The principles of goal-setting also apply when it comes to achieving pregnancy. There are two common ways of thinking I’ve seen among infertile couples. Both ways of thinking are common and normal, but I challenge you to ask yourself which type of thinking will do you more good in getting what you want? And then you can ask yourself which type of thinking is YOUR style?
Two common types of people are whom I call obstacle-focused thinkers versus goal-focused thinkers. One type is always thinking about the unfortunate and negative aspects of their situation. The other type is always asking themselves “what do I want” and “what will I need to do to get closer to what I want.” The contrast goes something like this:
OBSTACLE-FOCUSED THINKING:
It is so frustrating. My best friend just got pregnant with her third and I try to be happy for her, but it’s hard. It seems so easy for everybody else, but as for us, we’ve been trying for two years now. I’m beginning to think it’s never going to happen and I feel ready to just give up. Some people have told me that my weight might have something to do with it, but it’s not easy to lose weight for me. I try my best to eat healthy and I try my best to be more active, but each month, I end up actually gaining more. I can’t even bear to step on the scale. Yesterday, my period came for the first time in three months and I cried myself to sleep. Having a big home makes things worse when it is empty no kids. My co-workers tell me to just relax and it will happen, but that just adds to the stress.
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