Helping Your Adopted Child Settle In

You’ve successfully adopted your child—congratulations! Now comes the hard part: helping your child adjust to all the changes. For those who adopted infants, this may not be an issue. But for those who adopt older children from other countries, experts say it’s imperative to learn as much as possible about the child’s life before adoption and to try to replicate certain patterns and routines in the first months. If a child was raised in an orphanage with rigorous rules and adhered to a limited diet, for instance, he may have a very hard time adjusting to eating a variety of foods and even taking a nap at a different time of the day.

 

Just ask Linda Miller, mom of Luc and Jacob, whom she adopted nine years ago from an orphanage in Siberia. Linda and her husband Brian excitedly traveled to Siberia and stayed for two weeks near the orphanage where the two boys lived. As the days went by, they both grew more and more excited and when they finally took the boys with them, they were shocked by some of their reactions.

 

“It broke Brian’s heart. They had never seen a man before! There were no men working at the orphanage. Luc was so afraid of Brian; he wouldn’t let him hold him. The first couple of days were complete rejection. Within two months, Luc was following Brian around and it was fine, but those first few days were hard,” says Linda.

 

Had Linda and Brian known ahead of time that children raised in all-female environments sometimes react this way, they may have been able to better mentally prepare. Luckily, Brian’s patience and understanding helped them through it.

 

They were able to learn quite a bit about their boy’s routines before adopting them, however, which helped. A nice surprise for Linda and Brian was having access to the inner part of the orphanage while there, as many restrict parents from visiting for fear of upsetting the other children.

 

“We were allowed in, but to the areas where the children weren’t (in order to not upset the others). It allowed us to chat with the nurses and learn about the boys’ routines,” Linda explains.