Advice From Veteran Moms

I remember the last trimester when I was pregnant with William, my only child. I was a wreck. Everything seemed to be of the utmost importance—from the color of his nursery walls to the type of stroller to buy (I combed Consumer Reports for hours comparing all the various models). I was overwhelmed with the amount of unsolicited advice from neighbors and family, too. I remember going to parks in Santa Monica, California when William was an infant and watching with envy the moms of two or more children who were confidently breast-feeding infants and watching their older children play. They were the experts—I felt like an imposter who second-guessed her every move. Here’s a list of what moms who’ve been there wished someone told them before their first children were born:

* Tune out unsolicited advice. People somehow feel they can prey on pregnant women and first-time moms. You’ll probably receive advice from the most unlikely sources from your office delivery person to your next-door neighbor. People may insist that you raise your child a certain way, or deliver at a certain hospital with or without drugs, for instance. All moms who shared their stories agreed they were tortured by this type of advice. Ignore it and do what’s best for you and your family.

* Don’t kill yourself to live up to certain expectations. For instance, if you can’t breastfeed, don’t be hard on yourself. Katie Angioletti of San Francisco pumped eight times a day and bottle-fed to supplement. “I tried to breast feed for twelve weeks. It was unbearable. I was so stressed and kept this up because the lactation consultant insisted. But it was to the detriment of my relationship with my baby.”

* Don’t put too much energy into having the perfect birth. Yes, you can write down your birthing plan, hire a midwife, take Lamaze or Bradley classes, bring candles and your favorite music to the labor and delivery room, but in the end, anything can happen. Veteran moms who have been there say instead, try to be grateful instead for trained, skilled staff and doctors, and for the healthy baby that you get to take home.