Do you wish your husband would share his feelings with you more? Join the crowd! This is one of the most common complaints women have about their husbands. They wonder, Why do men clam up and isolate themselves from the pregnancy? Well, it’s mostly because of the pent-up feelings I’ll discuss.
Here’s the first one:
We Feel Responsible.
Pregnancy is all our fault. A loving husband often says to himself during pregnancy, “Jeez, here’s my lovely wife, puking nonstop; she can’t sleep at night, her back is killing her, her hair’s falling out, and the only relief she’ll get from this pregnancy is through an excruciating childbirth!”
But it doesn’t stop there. Seeing his wife needs extra help and that he’s in a position to protect her, the expectant dad will often feel it’s his obligation to make sure the pregnancy and birth go off without a hitch. What if something bad happens to my wife or baby during pregnancy? he thinks. What if I’m so nervous that I get in a wreck while driving my wife to the hospital while she’s in labor? What if the baby comes so fast that I have to deliver it myself?
Here’s what other dads have shared with me:
My fear is about not knowing what to do. What do I do when our baby cries and my wife’s not around?
I’m afraid that I won’t meet my wife’s standards and expectations. And also that I will let our son down by not knowing what his needs are.
I’m afraid there will be something wrong with our baby.
I keep worrying that I’ll miss the birth.
We Feel Afraid and Intimidated, but Can’t Express it.
It’s a slam-dunk that your husband has fears of this type, too. Of course, so do you—you’re probably also afraid of stepping into your new role as a mother and making sure your kids have what they need. It’s a big job, no matter how much your finances, family, or friends can help with it.
But keep in mind that as a mom, you’re allowed more of an outlet for your fears because your friends and family will not consider you “unwomanly” if you express those feelings. What’s more, you can counterbalance talking about your fears of motherhood by talking about the delights of motherhood with other women and with your husband.
