- Am I complaining a lot about how I feel physically (headaches, stomachaches, chest pains, shortness of breath)?
- Am I telling you we made a mistake and I don’t want this baby?
- Am I blaming everything on our marriage?
- Am I worried that you’ll leave me?
- Do I tell you that you and the baby would be better off without me?
- Am I afraid I will always feel this way?
- Do I tell you I’m a bad mother?
Here’s what I need you to do:
- Check in with me on a regular basis, several times a day. Ask me how I’m feeling and ask me what you can do to help.
- Enlist our friends and family to help whenever possible during the early weeks. Even if I resist, please insist that it’s better for me to accept the help.
- Remind me that I’ve been through this before and things got better.
- Help me even if I don’t ask.
- Insist that I rest even if I’m not able to sleep.
- Make sure I eat, even if I’m not hungry.
- Spend as much time caring for the baby as you can.
- If you are the slightest bit worried, encourage me to contact my doctor and therapist. If I protest, tell me that you will call them for me and come with me to the appointment.
- Remind me that even if everything’s okay, it may be helpful and reassuring to make an appointment so we know for certain.
- Take a walk with me.
- Help with the baby during the night. If you’re not able to, please make sure someone else is there to help out so I don’t get sleep deprived which would make everything worse.
- Trust your instincts if you are worried or you think something needs to be done differently.
- Talk to me. Tell me what you’re thinking.
- Sit with me. Stay close even when there’s nothing to say.
- Help me get professional help.
- Help me find the joy. Help me stay present and appreciate the little things. Help me find and feel the butterflies, the giggles, the hugs, the sunshine, the belly laughs, the smiles
