Here’s what I need you NOT to do or say:
- Do not assume I am fine because I say I am.
- Do not leave everything up to me if I am feeling overwhelmed.
- Do not use this time to work harder or later or longer if I need you home during the first few weeks.
- Do not tell me to snap out of it. I can’t.
- Do not let my resistance or denial get in the way of what we need to do.
- Do not tell everyone how well I’m doing if I’m not doing well.
- Please do not tell me I am strong and can do this without help if I need help.
- Please do not sabotage any effort I might need to make to seek treatment, such as resisting medication or pressuring me about the financial strain.
- Do not complain about the cost of treatment.
- Do not pressure me to have sex while I’m feeling so bad.
- Please do not do anything behind my back. If you are worried, let me know. If you want to call my doctor, let me know you are doing this.
- Do not forget to take care of yourself during this time.
- Make sure you are eating well, resting as much as possible, finding support for yourself from friends and family.
Here’s what I need you to say:
- Tell me you will do whatever I need you to do to make sure I feel healthy.
- Tell me you can tolerate my anxiety, my fears, my irritability, my moodiness.
- Tell me you are keeping an eye on how I am feeling so things won’t get out of hand.
- Tell me you love me.
- Tell me I’m a good mother.
- Tell me its okay if things aren’t perfect all the time.
- Tell me you are not going to leave me no matter what.
Here’s what I need you to remember:
- I’m doing the best I can.
- Sometimes the big things that seem scary at first aren’t as scary as more subtle things. For instance, if I have an anxiety attack or snap at you, even though it’s upsetting, it may not be as troublesome as if I’m isolating myself in the bedroom and quietly withdrawing.
