But, when the big moment arrived, my choice was made for me. The breast surgery I had as a teenager ended up having more far reaching consequences than I had cared to think about all those years ago. After all the anticipation, I was disappointed and yes, felt like a loser that I was to feed my infant twins formula. Thankfully, the lactation consultant at the hospital was both helpful and sensitive. And our pediatrician was also reassuring. She knew immediately when she asked if I was nursing on that very first visit that I was conflicted about the situation.
Not all moms have such positive experiences though. Several women I know were reduced to tears in their hospital rooms when especially militant lactation advisers lectured them on their failings. One new father I know even had to ask the lactation coach to leave because his wife was so distraught that her newborn wasn’t latching on.
In the end, now that my two-year-old twins are healthy and strong, it doesn’t really matter why I didn’t nurse, does it? The point is that I didn’t and whether a woman is going back to a demanding job where pumping isn’t an option or she’s dealing with post-partum depression or juggling twins (or triplets!), or whether she’s just more comfortable with a bottle or she just can’t, it is her decision, and it is private. Same goes for women who breastfeed for a short time or supplement with formula.
New moms already have enough pressure to live up to the incredibly exhausting (and exhilarating) role of motherhood. We don’t need total strangers making us feel like we are negligent caregivers … or worse, feeling like we have to lie when someone rudely asks.
Just as more and more people are starting to accept that it is a mother’s (and baby’s) right to breastfeed in public, it is my right for my breasts and my decisions about them to be left alone.
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