Preparing Your Toddler for Another Baby

“Baby,” we say to my two-year-old, touching my now-protruding belly.

She dutifully puts her small finger paint–stained hand on the same spot and repeats, “Baby.”

My husband and I heap praise on her, telling her what a great big sister she will be. Although we realize her ability to comprehend that her baby brother or sister is growing inside my body and eventually will live down the hall from her is not complete. It’s like explaining global warming to a two-year-old and expecting her to know why a warm day in December isn’t especially a good sign for the planet. But, it seems the most logical thing we can do to prepare her.

But really, is there any way to get a toddler ready? What is the best way to make the transition as smooth as possible once Baby number two arrives?

To get some ideas, I talked to Linda Sonna, a Taos, New Mexico–based psychologist and the author of a number of parenting books including The Parent’s Guide to Raising Siblings.

Prep work: Linda recommends reading books about baby siblings and “practicing” with a doll. A toddler can learn to stroke the doll’s cheek softly and to not stick fingers in the doll’s eyes.

Also, the toddler can practice cuddling up next to Mommy while Mommy holds the doll. Linda says that children often feel displaced when they can’t sit on Mommy’s lap while she nurses the baby.

Still, she says parents should keep expectations realistic. Even with preparation, “two-year-olds still don’t get a conception of what it is like to have a baby in the home.”

Tera Pullen of Atlanta recently introduced her toddler to a baby brother. She and her husband, whose daughter Shelby was two-and-a-half when Jacob was born, read Shelby books about becoming a big sister. They also stressed the importance of her role.

“We told her, ‘You will be able to teach him how to talk and to have manners and to walk,’” Tera says. Baby’s here:

Once the baby arrives, Linda says parents should let go of the guilt of not having enough one-on-one time with each child. It is just as important for siblings to bond with each other so involve the toddler as much as you can in helping with the newborn. Toddlers don’t view this as work.