If you’re still not convinced that it might be something as simple as KNR, the next time you find yourself in a situation where you are totally baffled by your child’s behavior or response to something, ask yourself these questions:
1. Has this type of behavior arisen in the past? Is there a connection to how it’s showing up now? 2. Are there other circumstances where the initial response was this type of behavior, and over time shifted? 3. Is this inconsistent with how she approaches other, more familiar circumstances? Have other factors (fear, misunderstanding, dynamics) been ruled out?
Of course only you can accurately assess this. You know you child best, so give yourself some credit for all the great things you do to help your child grow securely into the next phase, and give your child some credit for acting on his intuition or performing to the level at which he is currently able.
What’s the best cure for KNR?
Your responses will of course depend on your child’s age and stage of development. The crucial factor to remember is acknowledging what you are witnessing is what will help your child process. This doesn’t mean you can force your child to be ready, but what this will do is build the trust that will aid in an understanding of what is motivating your child, and help your child attain what it is they need at the time.
Begin with what you see:
“You seem to be disinterested in practicing your times tables.”
“Staying at preschool is hard for you.”
“You’ve been invited to the movies with _____, but don’t want to go.”
Now the hard part. Wait. Listen. Leave lots of silence if necessary. This may not open the floodgates, but if you state the facts of what you see, and leave some space, your child has the opportunity to relax and think about the situation without the feeling of pressure or judgment.
KNR will show up throughout their lives, and with some practice, patience, and personal reflection, you and your child can navigate this unpredictable terrain called family relationships!
