Divorce is the single most destructive event in the life of a child under the age of eighteen. No matter what the reason is for the divorce, children always suffer. One big mistake that parents make is saying to their children, “Mama/daddy and I don’t love each other anymore but we still love you.” If there was ever love, there is always love. Love is by definition never ending. Your children will know that if a person can stop loving someone, they can stop loving everyone, including them. What do you say? “Mama/daddy and I have realized that we don’t love each other. We thought we did when we got married, but now we understand that we were just physically attracted to each other. It takes more than that for two people to share their lives for forever. You may have to explain differently depending on the age of your children. This lets them know that love never ends and it is extremely important for them not to confuse physical attraction for love once they begin dating.
When parents separate, the foundation is removed from the lives of their children. They will feel they have nothing to hold onto. Their loyalties will be divided and they will always feel anger toward the parent they deem responsible for the break-up. Some children hold this anger in and become self-destructive or sink into a deep depression. Others will begin to act out at school or disobey their parents. They may start bad habits such as drinking alcohol, experimenting with drugs, or engaging in sexual activity. The way they see it, you don’t deserve their respect anymore. You did what you wanted even though you knew how badly it would hurt them. Therefore, they get to do whatever it takes to ease their pain through self-medicating. What can you do?
Remain united as parents. Children must see the both of you as a parental unit. Rules are the same at both houses. Never allow special privileges at your house that wouldn’t be allowed at the other. Don’t be vindictive toward each other. You force your children to choose a side and you teach them how to be vindictive. Whatever behavior you display, your children are learning and using this information to pit mom against dad or sister against brother, or any number of scenarios. If you’ve made the decision to divorce, don’t meddle in your ex’s life. Don’t talk down the mother or father of your children. If you don’t respect your ex-wife/ex-husband, how can you expect your child to?
PREVIOUS PAGE
