Every-one’s circumstances are at least slightly different. Some have fled from abusive spouses. Naturally, what you say to your children will be different. Explain that their dad/mom has an illness and must be treated before you can all live together again. This may never happen, but children need hope and reassurance.
Do not parade boyfriends and girlfriends in and out of your bedroom! This is a guarantee that your children will be promiscuous. Reserve dating for the weekend that your children are with their other parent or with grandparents, babysitters, or friends. No matter what their age, they don’t need to see you with another man or woman. If your children are home with a sitter, meet your date at the restaurant. You may date several people before you find someone you can love. Why put your children through that? Remember, some men look for divorced or widowed women with children because it is the children they are interested in. Never, never, never, allow your male date to baby-sit or take your child somewhere without you. The nicest people are pedophiles. Besides, it is a very rare thing for a male babysitter to have the patience of a female when it comes to children; especially children that are not theirs.
Above all, be as honest as you can with your children about what is going on with you, what to expect for the future, your feelings and theirs, and all questions they may ask. Some children are too young to understand infidelity, but for those who are old enough, explain how that has hurt you. You don’t need to give explicit details, but do tell them it is wrong and why. You don’t need to rant about their terrible mother or father. They could not care less about your sex life. Explain it in the terms of deceit and betrayal; use a calm voice, please.
Try as hard as you can to be involved in the lives of your children. Listen. Encourage them to express their emotions and their views without fear of reprisal. If you’ve made many of these mistakes already, it is never too late to apologize or to sit down and talk about your children’s needs. You are raising tomorrow’s society. Will they be serial killers, prostitutes, thieves, gangsters, drug dealers, or addicted to alcohol and drugs? Will they be an asset to the community; innovators, inventors, teachers, or a myriad of other productive citizens? What you do today impacts their tomorrows. Never forget.
