Bullies are difficult to deal with. Even as an adult we can have “bullies” in our lives. They may be even harder to deal with as adults if we haven’t had the skills to deal with them as a child.
Research shows that being bullied can lead to extreme retaliation (as we have seen in the news). Three out of four students say they have been bullied. Fifty-nine percent say they have bullied.
My oldest son has had some bullies cause him pain (more mentally than physically but hurtful none the less). We have found three items very important in helping a child deal with bullies is:
- Keep communication open (both at home and where it is occurring)
- Teach and live confidence
- Help them learn/improve social skills
In no way does a child deserve it, but it is a reality and this is what has helped us.
Keeping Communication Open - Make sure you go past the “How was your day?” “Fine” answers. It’s hard but be persistent especially if there has been changes to friends, happiness, aggressiveness, and/or any extreme changes. Help your child learn the difference between teasing and bullying. Questions like “Can you tell me what you think the child’s intentions were?” or “Does it stop when you get upset?” etc. Also, keep the communication open at school (or any other location this is happening) is crucial. You may need to volunteer on the playground, work with the school to bring in professionals that present Bully programs to school. The school needs to take this serious and if they don’t you may need to ask if this is the best place for you child (Are they safe?). Finally, make sure the child knows it’s ok to tell an adult what is happening.
Teach and Live Confidence - If we do not live out confidence it will be much harder for our children to learn it. This is something you have to see to know. If you don’t feel confident, work on yours as confidence is very attractive. People gravitate toward people who know what they are doing. I am always reminded of a boy I knew who wasn’t what some may call attractive, and he wore strange clothes, but people were drawn to him. Some people might believe he was born with this, but I really believe he grew up learning and seeing confidence displayed, and boy did people want to be around him. Have your child practice speaking up for themselves with opinions at home. Encourage the activities they like and they feel successful at. Do mock bullying at home and practice what they can do, say, stand, look, etc when they are in that situation.
