My Daughter, My Hero

I am a woman who met a guy on line seven years ago and have paid for this mistake. This man I realize now wanted me to only get to my daughter who was then five years old. He started sexually abusing her by the time she was eight years old. The abuse went on until she was twelve years old. Before her thirteenth birthday she decided to tell me what he was doing to her. Also at that time he was not living in the home for almost one year so she must of felt safe to tell me.

The living hell my daughter went thru and her mental being almost destroyed. My daughter, my hero. I’ve blamed myself every day some days just wanting to die. There is a court date coming soon and my heart is very heavy for my daughter. She’s now fourteen years old and I’m scared for her. She’s working so hard to cope and now she must sit in a court room and tell what happened to her since age eight years old. I am to give her strength ,but I hurt for her that I think that pain gets in the way … I stay to myself trying to see the signs I did not see … I look back now and realize that this monster used my daughter and myself, I thought I really knew what pain was but there is no greater pain than being the Mom who brought this monster in our home and trusted him and he nearly destroyed my daughter and I, both of us are times wanted to die. My daughter is on antidepressants and still I watch her struggle with what was done to her. Our lives are like a puzzle with tiny pieces all over the floor and every day I try to pick one up and mentally try to put in some kind of order, the pieces are our lives …

This monster in my soul will get off theses charges the family has money and will pay any amount to get him free. I pray the court will see thru this fake and uncaring man and his family. I am sure my daughter was not the first child he did this to, but he was living in California, before I met him. There could be victims there that have not gone to the law. I have decided in my mind that he will not serve one day in jail … I do this so my mind can be ready, if he does get jail time then that’s a gift from god and other kids will be protected only while he’s in jail. I’ve read a lot about these monsters and he will sexually abuse again and again. The laws need to be changed, this first offence bull crap, sex abuse to a child the offender such not have any first offence plea because it’s  not a first offence, it’s that fact he didn’t get caught till now …