If you’re in an unusually jovial mood one cold, Friday afternoon after school and you let your five-year-old daughter select not one, but three DVDs at your friendly neighborhood Hollywood Video for a five-night rental because the forecast looks glum for the duration, stop yourself and (for the love of all that is good and holy) do not come home with the original first season My Little Pony DVD.
Otherwise, be prepared to have an unexplainable urge to gouge your eyeballs out until this horrific example of animated nightmarishness has been returned to the movie rental place where some other poor unsuspecting parent sucker agrees to pluck it down from the shelf for their child. For all of you high-brow intellectual parents out there who would never rent a My Little Pony DVD, just imagine getting really drunk and then trapped inside one of those scam crane arcade machines that taunt you with the challenge of winning a cheap stuffed animal while listening to circus music full blast. You know if you were only six inches tall. Or something like that.
Ironically the My Little Pony line of toys are among my five-year-old’s favorites and I don’t mind the general brigade of pastel ponies at all because coming up with all sorts of Ponyland melodramas occupies her for quite some time. Just don’t play the “My Little Pony” theme song more than once or I might have to hurt you.
The only other animated series that I can think holds a stinky candle to this is the Hello Kitty series. Seriously, one round with either the My Little Pony or Hello Kitty animated idiocy and you’ll be kissing Dora’s feet. Vive la Dora!
My nominees for surprisingly good animated kid movies of the girly persuasion, besides Disney, (obviously Disney is doing OK without any endorsements from me and we own several classic Disney movies), goes to the Barbie movies. Pixar caliber they are most definitely not, but I’ll take Barbie dancing to Swan Lake over annoying pastel flying ponies and horrific plot lines any day. I’m a sucker for classical music and the classic boy meets girl, girl meets boy, girl must overcome scary scumbag witchy woman and flex her girl power muscles story line any day.
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