“It looks like your senses are working overtime again, Jenna. What could you possibly be all that miserable about?”
Her eyes are alive with a crystal blue tint that makes her appear innocent and harmless, just like the berry poison. When I don’t answer, she picks up one of my drawings and sees I was coloring the beginnings of a tree.
“Let’s get you out of there.”
Mom shoves her teased and sprayed hairdo straight towards me, way deep into the bush’s bulk. If Mom is risking her hairdo, I know she’s serious about reaching me. But it seems like every time she really reaches me, she lets go again much too soon. To protect myself from being abandoned by her touch I dig deeper into the center of the shrub, farther out of her grasp.
Mom’s hair gets stuck on one of the limbs, making her have to back out and pinch leaves, twigs and berries from her matted head. Still, she’s determined to dive in again. Holding her breath as if she’s plunging under water, she extends her arms through the branches far enough to give a light-encouraging tug to my elbow.
Her touch leaves a cool scent of lemon on my sleeves, giving me that feeling like I’ve been loaned back some part of me that’s been missing. A great surge of love tempts me to leap into her arms and hold steady in a spot right close to her heart. I want her to say “I’ve got you” while I cry rivers for the relief of actually belonging somewhere in the world.
The neighbor’s keys jingle outside their door, making Mom spring away from the bush, quickly dusting herself off.
“She’s just stopped sucking her thumb and now she’s hiding in a bush. Kids!” she announces to our neighbor, red-faced. And even though I’m hidden deep inside this great big bush, I still feel the need to disappear.
The neighbor knows that six years is too long to suck your thumb. Mom says it messes up your teeth and makes you swallow funny. Dad tried to get me to stop the habit by wrapping my thumb with black electrical tape at night. What made me finally stop was my dentist, who said, “If you keep sucking your thumb, you’ll have to take swallowing lessons.”
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