Help – Sock Stress!

Attention all inventors: Please, I beg you, design a sock for my son. I even have some ideas to get you started. I offer them with no strings attached (heaven forbid there should be stray strings!). I want no royalties, no credit whatsoever. The peace of mind knowing that a morning will pass in my house without sock stress is payment aplenty. Allow me to explain.

My son is not unlike the famous Princess and the Pea, capable of detecting a miniscule lump, bump, or crease in the fabric of his sock. Anything slightly awry can wreak havoc on our already tenuous morning ritual.

Over time we have increased our chances of success by eliminating all offending socks and stocking only one brand. (Thank you Champion.) But brand alone is no where near enough. They must also be the right style and, of course, the correct size. We are allowed a minimal amount of flexibility when it comes to style, but size is set in stone (regardless of foot growth), and any sudden change can be downright disastrous.

Take, for example, our most recent attempt to upgrade. Current shoe size is three and a half. Current sock size is medium. Current sock supply was dwindling. The possibility of locating two perfectly matching socks free of holes was decreasing. My husband bravely set out to purchase new socks. Thinking logically—given the discrepancy between shoe and sock size—he decided it was high time to move on up. He took the plunge and returned home with eight pairs of stark white, hole-free, size large, Champion socks. Having been through this once or two hundred times, I saw the whole series of events play out in my head.

Initially there was excitement that his foot was so gigantic to warrant a larger size. What are a few bumps compared to the thrill of having a bigger foot? The euphoria of this boost to his self image got us through the first few mornings. I should take comfort in this baby step forward. This is progress, I remind myself. But alas, as I knew it would, the honeymoon came abruptly to an end.