Helping Children with Shyness

Each child comes into the world with a different set of potential characteristics. As parents, our challenge is to find ways to work with—and celebrate—the people our children are. The trick here is to find ways to lovingly accept and validate your child, just the way he is, while at the same time warmly encouraging him and indicating that things are actually safer than he can tell.

Children Benefit from Information
First of all, talk with your child before going into situations where he tends to become anxious. If he’s very young, you might not get many words back from him, but you could start off with something like this, “It’s almost story time. Remember how many children were at the library last time? Remember how noisy and busy all those children can get sometimes? Today when we go to hear the story, we’ll sit at the edge of the circle so you can have some space around you and I’m going to hold you right in my lap like this. If there are too many people for you, or too many sounds, you can tuck your head under my arm like a little bird or take my hands and cover up your ears.”

See what you can do to get your child engaged in the plan to handle this situation. You might take a pile of stuffed animals and set one up with a book and play “story time.” You be the small animal that comes into the setting and finds it frightening. See what your child thinks of to work out a solution for the small animal who is afraid of crowded spaces. If he begins to laugh, he’ll gain confidence in himself as you play this game over and over.

Children Thrive on Fun and Connection
Before going into a situation that you anticipate your child may find frightening, try using our method of special time. Children clearly thrive on moments when we are just with them. Take ten or fifteen minutes before you get ready to go and shine your undivided attention onto your child. Do whatever it is that he enjoys doing with you at the moment. Play pillow fight, drop lightweight balls down the stairs together, allow some messy water play. Put your child in charge of the interaction and follow him, letting him be in control of the relationship for a time. Radiate enthusiasm for his ideas and desires. This will help to bolster his connection to you and help him store up a little extra confidence for the challenge ahead.