Matt McGee, a high school counselor from central Pennsylvania with over 20 years of experience, believes that “the role of the parent is not to be a buddy or a friend” to their teens. “Don’t lie to your kids, but maintain your role as an authority figure.” He points out that teens need someone to rebel against, and it should be the parent, but “if Dad was a ‘junkie’, how does the kid top that?”
McGee also takes exception with parents who want to be “cool” in their children’s eyes. “For example, the father who is the first to turn on his son and his friends to pot. The friends might see the father as cool, but his own son might think otherwise.” Unable to process this experience, the teen might feel he has to experiment with different, more dangerous drugs in order to one-up his father.
Bill answered Brian’s question about his rebellious youth, but he decided to give his son a “reduced version of the truth,” so that Brian wouldn’t view his father’s past bad behavior as sanction to do the same. Bill also cited the state’s drunk driving laws in order to leave no doubt in Brian’s mind how strongly he felt about drinking and driving.
Your Past Can Serve as a Cautionary Tale
“Parents need to talk early and often,” says Dr. Phillippe Cunningham, an associate professor at the Medical University of South Carolina. “Developmentally, teens need to know exactly what is expected of them.”
Laura C., a mother of two teenage girls in Cleveland, Ohio, says that in her youth she had been politically active, protesting against the war in Vietnam and providing draft counseling for students who didn’t want to serve in the Army. She frequently took part in anti-war demonstrations and marches, and took a drag of a joint whenever it was passed to her.
Her daughters never ask about her past, but they do flash knowing little grins whenever the subject of marijuana comes up, thanks to Laura’s mother. During Thanksgiving dinner last year, the girls’ grandmother turned to Laura and said, “You smoked a lot of pot in college, didn’t you, darling?”
