As far as Laura and her husband know, the girls have not taken that nugget of information as permission to try marijuana, and Laura doesn’t feel that it’s necessary for her to hide or drastically alter the truth of her past. But she doesn’t believe she should tell her daughters everything either.
Guidance counselor McGee would agree. “What I did at your age is not important,” he would say to any teenager who asked about his past. “What you’re doing now is.”
Because Laura’s older daughter, 17-year-old Eve, is reserved and “overly cautious,” Laura tells her stories about her past to show her that it’s okay to be a little daring and take a few risks. But her younger daughter, 14-year-old Gwen, is more of a daredevil and has had problems fitting in at school. For Gwen, Laura spins her “war stories” so that they paint her as kind of naive but lucky to have learned from her adventures without getting hurt.
If teens do act out, in an attempt to mimic or compete with their parents’ past behaviors, Matt McGee advises parents to seek help sooner rather than later. Most families need “just a little adjustment” to get back on track. “A family’s greatest strength is itself,” he says.
If presented as an incentive to initiate discussion about a teen’s problems, bringing up your rebellious past can serve a purpose as long as the teen understands that Mom’s and Dad’s stories of their wild times are cautionary tales, not permission slips to do the same.
[Sidebar]
What You Should Do if Your Teen Asks About Your Rebellious Past
- If asked, never lie about your past, but maintain your role as the authority figure.
- Be your teen’s role model, not his buddy. Your kids need someone to rebel against and that’s you.
- Just because you got away with murder doesn’t mean you’ll accept it from your teen. If your teen is acting out and says it’s okay because you did it when you were her age, crack down. Follow through on the consequences you’ve set up in advance. If your penalty for drinking and driving is taking his car away, do it.
