Cyber bullies can be found in many places. They may bully via text messaging on cell phones, post comments, blogs, or photos on Web sites, IM (instant message), or email. They may act alone, or they can enlist others to help them. For example, they can put up embarrassing pictures, or even use a tool like Photoshop to adjust a picture and make it look different causing a person to be embarrassed or humiliated. One of my patients reported that a girl at school cut and pasted her face onto another person’s nude body (which was less than ideal for a teenager) and then spread photos around school. Cyber bullies can also create fictitious Web sites or email addresses and pretend to be someone else so that they have the “freedom and comfort” to say abusive and hurtful things. In other words, their anonymity does not allow for the person to respond directly to their bullying behavior, which unfortunately increases the likelihood that they will engage in it. Even more unfortunate is the fact that their victims usually are left feeling paranoid and uncertain as to who they can trust. Lastly, cyber bullies can post negative or disrespectful comments on Web sites and ask others to join in to further the person’s pain. A friend told me that her daughter was inundated with hurtful comments on her MySpace page after her “best friend” enlisted several of their classmates to post all the things they did not like about her.
In all of these cases, children are using online access to harass, threaten, and humiliate each other on a regular basis. Cyber bullying is definitely on the rise and creating increased trauma to our children. The good news is that there are things you can do as parents to help. It is important that you ask your children if they have ever been a victim of cyber bullying. Often, kids do not tell their parents if they are for a variety of reasons.
First, some kids fear that parents will minimize the problem since no physical harm has been done to the child and the bully cannot be identified. Second, some kids worry that they will be blamed for the problem and that their parents will in turn take away their online privileges. Third, kids sometimes worry that their parents will take matters into their own hands. Most kids do not want parents to run interference when the cyber bully can be identified because they are afraid it will make matters worse.
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