Bringing it Home
Ultimately, Angie and Eric’s dad, Robert, succeeded in nudging Eric into covering sports for the school newspaper. “I’m crappy at sports myself,” Eric admitted. “And unless you’re really, really good, there’s not much you can do with teams when you’re in high school. But this way I’ll still be involved in sports, even if I’m not playing.” The results have been good so far, and his father is cautiously optimistic. “He’d still rather sleep ‘til noon,” he admits, “but when he does get up, he’s doing something. And who knows, he might even have a career.”
Kimberly—a single mom with no father in the picture—came to admit she couldn’t handle her son by herself, and turned to school counselors for help in choosing a therapist. A written behavioral contract and strong, strict limits seem to be helping. “We’re not out of the woods yet,” she said. “He’s talking more and his behavior has really improved, but he’s still seeing some of the kids I think are real trouble for him. Still, it’s much, much better. And at least I’m not in this all by myself.”
How Parents Can Help
Whether you’re dealing with a lump of grump hiding out in his room or a suddenly wild child, your son can be reached. Stick with these strategies:
- Set limits (even if he protests—loudly)
- Avoid lectures or long conversations; try ‘small doses’ of intimacy
- Understand that he’s not doing this to hurt you—try not to take it personally
- Nudge him into low-pressure group activities
- Find a mentor
- Keep enforcing family time: meals, trips, family visits (again: no matter how much he seems to hate it)
And for more serious situations, Scott P. Sells, Ph.D., author, teacher, and executive director of the Savannah Family Institute in Georgia, offers steps towards dealing with your teens when they are truly at risk:
- Deal with only one or two problems at a time
- Convert problems into concrete rules
- Have clear consequences
- Use both positive and negative consequences
- Put it in writing
