Looking Ahead
Many experts feel that we learn and grow by challenging ourselves and working through adversity. Help your teens meet the challenges of adjustment to the reconfigured family, and let them know that they aren’t to blame in any way. They can become stronger when you show them that divorce may have split the family, but it hasn’t split your relationship.
Getting Professional Help
Mediation
- Mediation helps parents to resolve conflict by helping each hear the other out during and after the divorce.
- Any issues not resolved by mediation can be decided by the courts or negotiated by attorneys.
- Mediators who specialize in matters of divorce and separation can be recommended by your lawyer, the courts, state mediation associations, or located on the Web at mediate.
Counseling and Therapy
- Seek counseling as a preventive measure to make a bad situation as good as possible through advice and planning.
- Turn to therapy as a remedial measure if your teen is depressed, anxious, angry, or not functioning well in school or with friends.
- You can find a specialty divorce therapist through your school guidance counselor, your lawyer, or the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry.
Recognize Your Teen’s Reaction to Divorce
If Your Teen Is Depressed:
- Acknowledge pain, stomach aches or headaches, as real.
- Expect dramatic mood swings.
- Recruit a relative or friend who can spend time with your teen.
- If needed, get professional help.
If Your Teen Is Angry and Acting Out:
- Be tolerant of changes in dress, hairstyle, body decoration.
- Accept some disrespectful behavior. Pick your battles carefully.
- Stay in touch with school officials about truancy and/or performance.
If Your Teen Seems to be Separating From the Family:
- Ask her to help out and take care of a younger sibling.
- Offer to give him alone time if he will agree to family time too.
- Make sure each parent spends some time with their child doing something the teen enjoys.
By Claire Berman
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