Although it can be difficult for us, especially when the issues are larger than the inventory of the household refrigerator, controlling your impulses to “mother” will truly get you to a better place in the renegotiation of this relationship. I have worked in the field of Emotional Intelligence training, assessment, and coaching. One of the competencies that can be the most difficult to develop is “Impulse Control.”
Quick Route to Impulse Control:
Try these six easy steps to manage your motherly impulses:
- Take Stock: Sit down and make a brief list of the incidents where you felt your child balk at you.
- Patterns: Look at the list and find the commonalities i.e. was it about curfew, money, dating, health, drinking?
- Triggers: These common threads will lead you directly to some of your emotional triggers.
BTW … One of mine is a well-nurtured and most likely DNA embedded need to feed (I am half Italian). I am constantly monitoring who is eating what, when, and how much. If you grew up in an alcoholic environment, your triggers will most likely include drinking.
- Stop: When you see an issue arising that includes one of your known triggers, STOP.
- Reset: Take a breath; think of someone you love or a happy moment in your life. Feel it.
- Engage: Now that you are managing yourself a little better you can more easily engage or disengage with your child with intention and empathy.
The competencies, concepts and skills to develop Emotional Intelligence are well explained in John Gottman’s Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child and Daniel Goleman’s Emotional Intelligence amongst others. Managing our emotions brings the Law of Attraction into action by raising our vibrations and puts us squarely on the fast track to more joy!
