- Teach by example (nothing says it better than the poem, Children Learn What They Live, by Dorothy Law Nolte, PhD). Show your child proper behavior, and avoid arguing, yelling, cursing, etc. in front of him.
- Keep a daily routine and set reasonable expectations for your child. Try to avoid extra-long outings (e.g. past his bedtime); if you must, make sure your child is well rested, and bring along snacks, toys, books, and a favorite blanket.
- Encourage your toddler to use words to express feelings. Suggest appropriate, simple phrases like “I’m mad!”
- Avoid situations that will frustrate your child, like playing with toys too advanced for her age.
- Distract your child from activities likely to lead to a tantrum. Sometimes, simply changing the scenery (e.g. taking her outside) helps.
- Let your child choose whenever possible. The opportunity and act of making simple choices, and seeing the results, develops self-confidence. Do not ask questions and offer options that are not negotiable—instead of asking “Do you want to eat dinner?” ask him if he want carrots or broccoli at the meal.
Using the Word “No.”
- Choose your “no’s” fairly and carefully. Overuse of this important command will lose its intended effect.
- When you say “no,” mean it; don’t change your mind and give in to your child’s demands. This may confuse your child who may think “no” sometimes means “yes.”
- Never backtrack on a “no” to avoid a tantrum!
Managing Temper Tantrums.
Sometimes, you can sense a tantrum coming—maybe your child is moody, cranky, or negative; just as often, a tantrum begins suddenly, with no apparent warning. Either way, here it comes, and a few suggestions are offered:
- Be calm, soothing, and consistent.
- Do not jump into the excitement, engage, or negotiate—you will only make things worse if you shout or become angry.
- Minor displays of anger such as crying, screaming, or kicking (the air) can usually be “ignored.” Be supportive; without your jumping into the fray, such outbursts usually fizzle out on their own.
- Some tantrums cannot be ignored, such as hitting, kicking, spitting, biting, pinching parents/others, throwing dangerous objects, prolonged screaming, or yelling.
