Unconventional Parenting Wisdom

“I don’t know if I’ve ever known anyone who enjoys their children as much as you do”.

Not an off the cuff remark, the person who made this observation did so with such sincere regard that I was compelled to look at what she saw.

And I was inclined to agree. I do enjoy my children. Wholeheartedly. I have learned to honor who they are. I am in a state of unbelievable awe and unconditional respect for the way they choose to live their lives.

Since the comment implied a comparison, I thought I’d dig more deeply to see just what the difference might between someone who thoroughly enjoys their children and someone who … doesn’t quite.

First, let me disclose that I had terrific training in this area. First, my parents had the ability to help me to feel like a valued member of my family. No small stuff, that is. Additionally, as a certified professional coach, my training insists that I, “enjoy my clients immensely”, which means learning the skills to do so without judgment of them, myself, or anything for that matter. With judgment comes emotional investment. With emotional investment comes lack of objectivity. With lack of objectivity comes judgment.

Understanding the concept of accepting, nay, embracing oneself without judgment can be a bit of a stretch for many. The trouble however with not doing that, is that we end up placing unrealistic expectations on our children, set-ups for disappointing us, without even realizing we are doing so. Insidious implications, this parenting stuff.

So what’s a parent to do? There is so much worry (judgment), so much wanting (judgment), so much danger (judgment), so much concern (judgment) for our children, that it’s hard to consider that NOT being emotionally invested is even an option.

Oh, but it is. Because like all things we face in life, we have choices. It may not have occurred to you, but you can choose to not get sucked in to your child’s feelings. You can choose to take a step back and change your perception. You can choose to eliminate your-self from the equation and listen directly to what your child is telling you without weaving in your own story. You detach while creating an even stronger connection.

And that is what my children and I share: A closer connection to one another devoid of the unintended manipulation that accompanies emotional attachment.

But how, you ask? Here a few quick tips to get you started: