The Benefits of Threatening to Mess Up Your Kids

I’m driving down Peachtree in Atlanta in the late afternoon in stop-and-go traffic. Stupid drivers. I’m stressed. And for some reason, my five-year-old son, buckled into the backseat, is mad at me.

I can’t remember what he’s mad at—probably that he has been forced to ride with me during rush hour in Atlanta—but he’s saying nasty things, like “Daddy, I’m never going to wrestle with you ever again.” And “Daddy, you are a stupid dingen-bird.” (Author’s note: This is not a real bird.)

For some reason, this crazy backtalk adds to the stress level. I need quiet when I’m sitting there doing nothing except feeling angry in traffic.

But then there comes the moment that every parent needs to experience now and again: the realization that you are witnessing a small window when nothing much is happening except stressful things you’ll soon forget about. And therein lies the opportunity to let go and have some fun with your kid, and perhaps teach them something along the way.

I shouted to my son, “If you don’t pipe down, I’m gonna come back there and mess you up.”

A brief, confused silence followed. Then my son’s query: “What does that mean?”

“What do you mean, what does it mean? It means I’m gonna mess you up real bad.”

“How do you mess someone up?”

The English language is a funny thing. Even those who learn it from birth sometimes stumble across phrases that, when really contemplated, sound rather odd.

“It means I’m gonna come back there and make you wish I didn’t come back there. I’m gonna mess you up. See?”

“Why ‘up’?”

I realized here that my son was missing the point; the point was a little father-son trash- talking, not the direction in which I was going to do the messing.

“Well, it doesn’t really matter. I’m gonna mess you up, mess you down, mess you sideways, mess you all around.”

He laughed. It seems he understood what I was telling him.

“No you’re not, Daddy.