8. When your wife wakes you in the middle of the night and asks either A) “Can you see why the baby is crying?” or B) “Do you want to have sex?” … DO NOT answer, “But I have to work in the morning.”
9. You might find yourself at a park with your wife and your newborn. It’s a nice day; your wife, nipples bandaged painfully beneath her blouse, has decided to bottle-feed your baby today. A warm breeze is blowing. Then, a sour-looking woman or a righteous-looking man walks up to where you sit on the park bench and says, “You know, you really should be breast-feeding. It’s much healthier for the baby.” These people are called Breast Nazis. If you are attacked by them, by all means, don’t be afraid to say, “Actually, we’re the baby’s uncle and aunt. Do you still think she should breast-feed the baby?” Whether or not you agree with the breast-feeding issue, watching their reaction is just plain fun.
10. Don’t be under the impression that you must be SuperDad. First of all, no matter what you do, the baby is going to like her mother best. There is no competition. Second of all, SuperDads are worthless when the baby is young, because anything you can do that is “super” is lost on the child; she can hardly hold up her head to see you. And as the kid grows, and there you are pulling the SuperDad act, she will get completely annoyed with you and end up moving far, far away. All you need to do is be around as much as you can. Hold the baby when you want to; feed the baby when you’re ordered to; smile at the baby when you’re moved to. It’s really that simple.
If you liked this, you’ll love Dad, Man of Steel
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