I Killed the Tooth Fairy

Half the reason we were still doing the Tooth Fairy ritual is because my son, aged six, still believes and so we had to keep up appearances. The other half of the reason we were doing it is because my daughter loves getting cash.

That night, it was hectic. We forgot to write a note. I’m certain that if we had written a note that night, I would have remembered to exchange the note for the money, but that’s beside the point.

Next night, it was even more hectic. You know those nights? Lots of homework about Native Americans, lots of laundry and dirty dishes and playing with mice and watching TV shows, and then we read for a long time. When I put my kids to bed, I was like, “Good riddance. I need to just chill.”

I plopped down on the couch and …

Problem: Earlier in the night, while I was distracted by my email, my daughter had made sure to show me the sweet note she had written: “Dear Tooth Fairy: I lost my tooth, but it went down the drain!” It included colorful spirals and other cute things.

Now that I think about it, I can see the look on my daughter’s face as she folded the note and said, in a knowing way, “I’m going to put this under my pillow now.” She was giving me the heads-up!

Next morning, the kids got up and my daughter was strangely silent for a spell. Then, as I walked past her in the living room, she said in a voice that put quotation marks around “Tooth Fairy,” “The Tooth Fairy forgot to visit last night.”

I stopped dead. “Oh, man,” I blurted, “I forg— … Wow! … No kidding?”

I felt her staring at me. I felt my son staring at me. They were both staring at me for different reasons. I wanted more than anything to invent time travel and fix what horrible thing I had done.

“That’s really, really strange,” I said. “It must have been the fact that we waited an extra night. It must have been the fact that there was no tooth. The tooth wasn’t calling to the Tooth Fairy. Yeah, that’s probably what happened. And the extra night between. Maybe the Tooth Fairy got confused? Maybe she flew to your mom’s house. Maybe you should try again tonight when you’re with your mom. I’m sure the ‘Tooth Fairy’ just made a mistake. Happens all the time. I’m sure the ‘Tooth Fairy’ still wants to give you money …”