(SNORT!)
I know. Laugh away. It’s cool. I know you are laughing with me because if you are a parent, I bet you dollars to low-fat Weight Watchers one point carrot cake (doughnuts being out) that, at least with your first, you, too, never wanted to make your child feel bad.
But then...the child pulled the cat’s tail, or dumped your egg carton on the kitchen floor (more than once) (because you are a slow learner), or black markered your beige suede side chair or whatever it was that rendered you terribly human with a really loud voice and angry words.
You saw your small child cower in surprise, and yes, perhaps a tiny bit of fear of this Deranged Parent, and part of you grieved while the other part of you reeled in shocked triumph.
The Nice Voice and Nice Words had reached a power limit, and you found the new power: Mad Mom who Means Business and You Better Freaking Believe It or Else Serious Logical Consequences and I’m SO NOT KIDDING.
You discovered the power of kneeling eyeball-to-eyeball with your mischievous tot and saying, in a low, calm, but serious voice, “This is a WARNING...do not do blah blah blah again or...” and you let your voice trail off while your eyes make threats.
You discovered the power of bribery. The power of limits and boundaries. And your parenting evolved.
At least mine did. My husband’s too. By the time the second one came along, we both swore—in the same way we did to Always Lovingly and Always Kindly Parent our First Precious Angel—to not repeat the mistakes we made in that initial well-intended quest to be Perfect Parents.
For example, the second one would learn that the crib was not for clothing storage! It was a bed! For her! She had her own bed! In her own room! Where she slept! Without mom and dad! Sometimes! Before kindergarten...
Among other lessons.
We restyled our parenting and renamed it “parenting our way out of a paper bag.” Our main technique was something we co-opted from the military called, “flying by the seat of our pants.” We’d start out with a plan, and as much intel as we could, but we understood the enemy was crafty and might change directions and tactics at any moment. We promised to back one another up, and keep in good communication. We promised to never leave one another behind, and agreed that sometimes strategic retreat is sensible—live to fight another day.
