Becoming My Mother

By: Kelly DeMello (View Profile)

Trust and faith are two words often interchanged … As I think about that moment, it was more than trust my mom had in me, she had faith that I would do the right thing. Faith is defined as the allegiance to a person and my mom had pledged her allegiance to me. Letting me go was a leap of faith for both of us. Her faith in me bonded us together because my decisions would reflect how she raised me. She had no proof that I would make wise decisions but she needed to trust in her parenting skills. It would have been easier for her to forbid me to, and easier for me to complain to my friends how tyrannical my mother was. It was a true test for both of us, but the ball was in my court, and the decisions were up to me.

I never made good decisions because I feared the wrath of my parents. I made those decisions because of faith. The faith that even if I made a poor decision my mom would stand beside me. As a high school and college student it was that faith that guided me. I knew right and wrong, and I knew that whatever decision I made would not only affect me, but my mom, and others.

The decisions I make as a parent will affect how my children will make choices in life. As a new mom I would call and ask my mom advice, and she never gave answers. She would laugh with me, or cry with me, and say that it would be alright. She had faith that I could do it, and again, we were in it together. We had come full circle, she had to trust she taught me well, I had to trust myself as a parent, and I had to have faith in my children. Before this very moment, I never realized that was the key; it isn’t a matter of building trust it was a matter of unconditional faith, being in it together.

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posted: 05.22.2008
K Myers
Your story just made me cry here at work while eating my lunch. I had a relationship with my Dad that was very similar to the one you describe with your mom -- based on mutual trust and respect. He died about 18 years ago, and your story just brought him back to me. Thanks very much for that.
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