So, yes, when I’m at the wholesale club, I buy toothpaste, and Mach 3 razor blades (easily half price), and Q-Tips, and essentially everything else that keeps us relatively hygienic. But since there are no bags available, these smaller items get randomly tossed into my car, and they free-float around in the back, occasionally getting lost for months before popping up again seemingly out of nowhere, so that as I’m driving, I hear a pipsqueak voice from the back seat remark, “Look, Mommy! Toothpaste in the car!” And then I suddenly realize that we haven’t brushed our collective teeth since November.
The thing is, I’m more sensibly frugal than outright cheap. I feel irresponsible if I don’t save money however I can, but in a way that also allows us to, well, do stuff. As I mentioned, I want to keep my work schedule to two days, so I am not taking in as much money as I theoretically could. So I’ve gotten excessively disciplined about saving. We have special accounts for the big things, and we auto-deposit into all of them: retirement funds; college funds; a big-chunks-of-craptacular, 100-year-old house falling off fund; and a vacation fund. So with the nine dollars of every paycheck that we actually see, I have to figure out a way to keep the family fed, the home clean, and the cats loyal, as well as maybe catch a movie or order in Chinese every now and then. Even when I go to a normal grocery store, I bring a scrapbook’s worth of clipped coupons. I’ve been known to hyperventilate and shame people who chuck out the coupon inserts that come with the Sunday paper; I’ve actually said, “Would you throw ten bucks in the garbage? Would you? No? Well … you just did!” Note: the frugal can also be self-righteous.
So anyway, last week marked my first visit since December; we were almost out of everything. Since I was there anyway, I went to the food section. I don’t normally buy my perishables there, but I was making my fabulous Buffalo Chicken Dip* appetizer for the luncheon after my niece Ryley’s christening that weekend. I bought one of those Perdue pre-cooked roasters, and I did think it was odd that it was the same price as it is in my regular A&P. But I thought maybe the wholesale club didn’t discount prepared foods or some such explanation. I was wrong. I didn’t realize until I was in the middle of preparing the dip that the bird was twice the size of the ones I buy at the A&P. They actually breed super-chickens for the wholesale club. It was prehistoric in its dimensions.There was dip left over after a luncheon attended by thirty people. All for $5.99.
Knowing what I know now, I should just go all in and buy our food at the wholesale club while I’m there. But the only place left in the car for the chicken to sit would have be the passenger seat. And in Jersey you can’t sit in the front seat of the car until you’re twelve. So I’d get a ticket. That I’m too cheap to pay.
By Angela Pandolfo Roy
