Must children alter their lives to accommodate their parents’ needs and schedules or do parents adjust theirs to meet the needs of their children? Perhaps it’s a natural shift that parents make. We no longer want or need to stay out late every weekend or do what we did when we were single. But what happens when one parent is stuck in the mindset of not budging? I’ve been pondering this a lot lately. Since the birth of my son six and a half years ago, I have heard different viewpoints from so many people, including relatives and in-laws. Some say it’s crucial to stick to a schedule and make sure your children always get enough sleep. Others say: “I’m not changing my life one bit. I’ll keep doing what I’ve always done and if I can’t get a sitter, my children will just tag along with me.”
Now let me say this up front—I don’t think there is a conclusively right or wrong approach. Perhaps the danger is when one approach is too strictly adhered to? I have friends who have never, ever had a date since their children were born. Seriously, in six years, they have never hired a sitter. Yes, their children are always in bed by 7:30 p.m., but really, at what price?
And then, I have seen the exact opposite. When living in Manhattan, I remember how strange it was to see a woman breastfeeding a small baby at a huge Soho loft party where the dance music was excruciating loud. I was in my mid-twenties then, but I recall thinking, “wow, that’s a really odd scene” when I looked across the room and saw one woman breastfeeding and at the other end of the room, a couple was grinding out a nasty dance on the dance floor.
Now that my husband and I live in London and travel a lot, we are exposed to many parenting philosophies. The French and Spanish tend to let their children stay up very late. This is just the culture and even most restaurants don’t open up for dinner until after 9 p.m. But I often wonder how these children get enough sleep as schools still start fairly early.
Last weekend, my son and I tagged along with Jay to Paris as he had to work there on Monday. We ended up getting a sitter for Saturday night and as Jay and I sat outside at a bistro sipping drinks at 11 p.m., we watched two very young children ride their scooters past us. C’est la vie. After five years of going to France, we know that now. But it was really painful visiting when my son was younger and we were less wise. When my son was barely one, we went to southern France and had to navigate late restaurant dinners and very long days filled with sight seeing without any help. Having to tell my in-laws that I needed to go home so my baby could nap did NOT go over well. In fact, it seemed like I was being a bad mother for wanting to do so.
PREVIOUS PAGE
