Both my husband and some other family members come from the camp that children must adapt to your needs and your life. Yet, it’s easy to take this approach when you aren’t the one who has to deal with the meltdowns, tantrums, and the restlessness that comes from dragging a child around and not catering to his needs. It’s taken me many years to figure out that I was often manipulated into taking my son places and staying up very late or skipping naps because the people pushing for these things weren’t penalized. I would inevitably be the one who left the restaurants and shushed the baby. I’d be the one up all hours because he was over-sleepy and wired and couldn’t rest.
When my son was three, one trip to France was really difficult. Dinners were arranged every evening after 9 p.m. One night, we were at a restaurant outside with a playground nearby and sand and I just let my son play in the sand. When he started to keel over or cry, I felt horrible and tried to soothe him and ended up going back to the car and sitting with him while he slept—not able to enjoy my meal. I was told by everyone there: “This is just the way it is done. We don’t do dinner early and staying up late won’t kill him.”
But I ask you, isn’t this a tad selfish? What’s wrong with having a family dinner at home or hiring a sitter? Just because family wants to “see” your child doesn’t mean you or your child has to be penalized. I am getting wiser. But it’s taken a while.
Surprisingly, I still find myself in predicaments here in London as most of my husband’s friends don’t have children. So often we have to navigate the last-minute invites. These are always pitched: “Bring William if you can’t get a sitter! We love him, he’s so cute!” So, Jay gets mad at me if I protest and say our son needs his sleep. But it always ends badly. For instance, we were invited to a barbeque on a Sunday. It was supposed to start at 6:30 or 7 p.m. Of course it didn’t. We found ourselves waiting for food until 9 p.m. and I left with a hungry child (and was hungry myself). I ran home, quickly arranged a meal and put William to sleep while my husband stayed until 11 p.m. If I don’t go, Jay fears that it will reflect poorly on me—that they may think I don’t like them.
PREVIOUS PAGE
