In response to Only Real Men Can Wear Pink, one mother wrote:
“… it’s inevitable that children will be exposed to generalizations and that peer pressure will soon alter their behavior. (Hence, my son wanting approval from his boy friends who think mermaids are sissy girl games, so he doesn’t play with them in front of them anymore.) My son’s teacher said to me today that most boys are fascinated by guns and rough play and that it amazes her that my son loved mermaids and princess games before he came to this school last September. I thought that interesting.”
True, it is indeed normal that boys gravitate to warlike activity. On the other hand, it is not uncommon for boys to be attracted to the feminine and to be gentle, kind, sympathetic, compassionate, and nurturing—as well as warlike. Most of us have both the warlike and the nurturing in us. We are mixtures, and thank God. (Or thank natural selection or intelligent design—or just be thankful.)
True, it is also normal for children to feel the pressure of the group and to change their behavior accordingly. This is the natural dynamic behind group inclusion and exclusion—peer pressure. It is a necessary and valuable pressure for all individuals. At the same time, it is also normal for a person to individuate. All of us (none more than school kids) live in the tension between these two: what we most want to be and what the group seems to want or need us to be. It is, more or less, a healthy tension.
True, it is normal that a group of humans will try to elevate what is common to the status of the way things should be. While this dynamic serves a healthy function, it also has its downside of inhibiting constructive contributions of the less common. One of the strengths, in fact, of American culture is its tendency to value the contributions of the unusual. Nonetheless, especially in schools, the pressure for conformity can be powerfully inhibiting.
So how do you know which is the case for your child?
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