So much of life is like surfing or skateboarding; it is a matter of balance. Becoming a man or becoming yourself is by no means an exception. I seem to be a mixture of anger and love all the time. As I point myself in a certain direction, I am in love with where I am going. I am joyful when things break my way and angry when I trip myself up or run afoul of something or someone else. Even elementary particles are not static; they are oscillating bits of energy holding steady by vibrating between on and off. I would like to be in love and joyful all the time, but the hell of it is that I find myself vibrating between on and off all day long.
So, we adults have the job not so much of making our kids turn out normal, but helping them to become themselves—to be Self the way Self wants to be each day.
So about that teacher. If she is truly “amazed” that your son likes mermaids, she needs education. Either she is young, or she has no kids of her own, or she has grown up in a family and society that finds pluralism abhorrent devoting an inordinate amount of psychic and social energy getting people to hew to the norm. In any case, for my son’s sake, I would try to engage her in conversation about my son and my expectation that she will make the classroom and the playground a safe place for him to be himself.
At the same time, since the outcome of that project is uncertain, you will want to find ways of supporting your son to experiment with the mixture of masculine and feminine inside him. In experimenting with that mixture, you will want to try to help him see that the masculine and feminine in him are not at war, but are nature’s way of making us capable of responding effectively to a wider variety of situations. If we are only warriors or peacemakers, we are at risk. We need to have a full toolbox of masculine and feminine tools. In fact, it is not so healthy to label our tools as one or the other.
From the Principal’s Office: Lessons on Learning, Life, and Parenting is published bi-monthly. Each column is written by Rick Ackerly, a distinguished educator with thirty years experience in middle and elementary school education, who is currently the Head of the Children’s Day School in San Francisco.
Never miss a column again. Just click on the author’s name at the top of the story, then select “Be notified when writer publishes” at the top of the page. We’ll send you an email as soon as a new column is published.
