A few months ago a mother shared this story with me:
“My son’s best friend told him yesterday that his dad was a boy soldier and fired machine guns when he was thirteen. (This may be true as I think his dad is Cambodian.) Now my kindergartener is fascinated by it all and thinks it’s cool and wants to know if he’ll get to fire one. I don’t know how best to react. So far, I’m downplaying it all and have only responded to his statement that his friend’s dad was a boy soldier with: “Isn’t that sad?” And to his, will I get to fire a machine gun: “No. Children aren’t meant to be in armies, I’m sad he had to be in one.” And then I changed the subject and we started reading a bedtime story.
“I hope I’m handling this correctly. He’s now making machine gun sounds a lot when playing—and he’s never seen or heard one as we don’t watch the news or any adult TV in front of him—so that’s come from his friend too. Oy.”
My short answer is: so far, so good. My longer answer is: it’s important neither to over- nor under-react, and you didn’t. That you are afraid puts you more at risk for over-reacting, but what you said is perfect.
Your emotional tone is also important, but of course I couldn’t tell that from your email. Your focus should be calm and confident, sure of what would be dangerous and harmful, and sure of the reality of his situation. You can certainly tell him that real guns are not toys and way too dangerous in the same calm tone that you would tell him not to eat something that was poisonous. “No. You don’t want to do that. You could get killed.” For most kids, all one has to do is point to a plant and say “That’s poison oak,” and most kids won’t go near it except by mistake, and then they will feel like an idiot. If you over-react, they become intrigued. If a sign says “Wet Paint,” they have to test it.
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