At the same time, don’t be afraid of boys making machine gun sounds—or bombs or hand grenades, either. I don’t know where we get it. It seems to be in the genes. But playing war is a far cry from, and does not predispose or predict, a boy becoming a real warrior. In a “civilized” society one of the challenges boys face is how to be their warrior selves constructively. So don’t let your fear of war cause you to over-react and try to drum the warrior out of your son. That could have negative side effects.
Your best role is to be someone he can count on to tell the truth about the world. Your best focus is to be sure of what you know and be ready to stand with confidence when your knowledge and beliefs get tested. (It is the child’s job to test them.) It sounds like you passed this test, but are nervous about other tests to come.
For future tests, it’s important to remember not to lecture. A smart parent waits for the right moment to drop one or two good lines (just as you did.) Don’t rant. Rants are bad because your son reads it as confusion rather than confidence. He gets the idea (without reading Shakespeare) that when a person goes on and on, they protesteth too much. “If Mom were sure of what she is saying, she would say it simply and calmly. She is clearly upset about something. I am not sure what, but she clearly has issues.”
At this young age, there’s no need to go into too much detail. So if your child continues to pretend he has a machine gun, you might try: “I know too many tragedies that have come from guns, and there is no really good reason to have one, so in my house, guns are out.” Some parents rule out toy guns, also. I don’t think that is necessary, but if you can do it without sounding over-reactive, rule out toy guns, too.
PREVIOUS PAGE
