In my conversation with Sofia, I can see now how close the choice between fear and love is. To get Sofia from dependence to independence was a simple matter of changing the subject. Sometimes it can be harder, of course, but I was reminded that I had an ally in my effort to move Sofia from fear to love. The ally was Sofia, herself. Whether it’s a mountain or molehill we have to help the child get over, our best ally is in the very person we want to help. The mind is very creative because the pathways in the brain are myriad. If the familiar path is not working for the organism, the brain gets right to work searching for different routes. In An Anthropologist on Mars, Oliver Sacks writes that in the brain:
… there are hundreds of tiny areas crucial for every aspect of perception and behavior (from the perception of color and of motion to, perhaps, the intellectual orientation of the individual). The miracle is how they all cooperate, are integrated together in the creation of a self … I am sometimes moved to wonder whether it may not be necessary to redefine the very concepts of “health” and “disease,” to see these in terms of the ability of the organism to create a new organization and order, one that fits its special, altered disposition and needs rather than in the terms of a rigidly defined ‘norm.’
When another person presents us with behavior we don’t want (like crying), our natural tendency is to react and feel as if the other person made us behave that way (“What did you expect me to do? The kid was crying!”) It doesn’t have to be that way. Sofia was presenting me with an opportunity to be creative. Certainly I wanted her to stop crying and be happy to be at school, but what I did right was to let go of what I wanted and just sit with her. After sitting with her, I thought of something to say: “What’s your Mommy’s name?” Once I had a conversation going, we were both home free. I found that I had nearly infinite latitude to say or do whatever seemed like a good idea. Once I felt freedom of movement, I didn’t have to be afraid for Sofia, I could just enjoy her. As soon as I started enjoying her, she cheered right up and went off to play.
