The Self-Esteem Battle
Determining exactly what is going on with your teen—and learning how to work with it—is key. If you think your teen is lazy, you will treat her a certain way. But if you think she has a visual processing impairment, your patience and understanding may be greatly extended, as will your child’s.
Margaret K. of Hopewell, N.J., knows these issues well. Her daughter, Rebecca, was classified as special-ed in elementary school. Rebecca had a decoding problem, meaning she couldn’t translate a word from print to speech, and she couldn’t read at grade level. Rebecca got a little quieter in the eigth grade, and started hanging out with different kids. In high school, she still hangs out with people who aren’t a challenge to her academically and isn’t too involved in extracurricular activities at school.
But she’s very involved in her church and baking is her forte. Even though she wrote “collage” in her notes the day she went to the college fair at her high school, she plans to go. She’s considering Johnson & Wales, a culinary university that offers a four-year degree and has classes for LD students.
Rebecca, who tests as highly intelligent, has always considered herself “different,” but over the years, she’s grown into her strengths and, with her parents’ help, tries not to emphasize her limitations.
A few decades ago, kids used the term “retard” to make fun of kids with learning differences. These days, it’s “sped,” which is short for special ed. Teachers and parents add to the problem with something called “spread:” assuming the child will be weak in all areas when he or she has one learning problem (spreading it out).
“It’s simply no fun to be different,” says Dr. Arlyn Roffman, professor of special education at Lesley University in Cambridge, Mass. “Conformity is at its peak in early adolescence. It’s no fun to struggle to work at things others find relatively easy. I’m afraid too often school systems—and often parents—focus on what students cannot do rather than on what they can.”
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