You Can Lose Weight, Too!

I’m a single parent to a nineteen-month-old child. I managed to gain—and lose—fifty pounds during the whole pregnancy, childbirth, and subsequent months of parenting. I often have people ask me how I did it. Do I work out? Do I watch what I eat? I would like to share the secrets to my weight loss with you, in hopes that you, too, may benefit from my experience.

First of all, I do not work out. I did, actually, work out in May of this year. It was nice. I had a week of vacation, so instead of going to work, I went to the gym. I will confess, it wasn’t much of a workout. I did about fifteen minutes of yoga, four times, that week.  I remember examining the light fixtures from the floor of the gym while languidly stretching my back. I adored child’s pose. I think I may also have walked around the track at the gym as many as several times. I may also have done that quickly, but I’m not sure. I do remember, though, that the steam room had a siren song I couldn’t ignore. I sat in there for about thirty minutes each day. I believe it may have increased my metabolism to do so.

Otherwise, I do not work out. However, in the course of a day, I do haul around the equivalent of a twenty-five-pound Thanksgiving turkey everywhere I go. I live on the third floor of an apartment building, so in addition to long walks around the neighborhood, I also haul said turkey up and down the three flights of stairs numerous times daily. 

As a result of my stair regimen and the desire to keep my turkey entertained, I also go to the store daily. We like the European model of grocery shopping, as it keeps us in fresh foods daily, and it also gives me a much lighter load of groceries to carry up my stairs. With the turkey.

In addition to the carrying around of the turkey, there is the random movement program. I suggest that people who want to simulate this (who do not already have a toddler), just get a randomized motor attachment for a turkey, and then set it loose in your house. Your job is to stop it from knocking over valuable or dangerous items or falling down any stairs as it careens about. This will have the effect of keeping you on your toes, which I find to be particularly beneficial to agility, flexibility and increased metabolism (from the frequent, random zaps of adrenaline you will experience). Do this about six hours a day, and the weight will melt away effortlessly.