God’s Guidance Leads the Way

It’s a blustery cold evening; snowflakes fall to kiss my face as it covers the path leading down into the valley where the barn is located. The snow is clinging to the tree branches, making them appear to be tired and sad. I don’t like seeing the cheerless trees because it reminds me of the day Dad went away. I see a rabbit huddling under an old wagon beside the barn and I wonder how it will find something to eat and keep itself warm.

I have to feed the cattle and milk several cows before I return to the house. This is my duty since Dad passed away two years ago. Mother promises to fix me some hot chocolate with whipped cream upon my return. Sometimes she’ll surprise me with a batch of chocolate chip cookies. Of course, this gives me something to make up for how much I hate milking the cows. I never tell her my feelings because she has never gotten over losing Dad. I see tears in her eyes a lot of times as I watch her sitting by the window looking out at the road like she thinks he’ll be coming back soon. My heart aches for her and I’ll try to do something quick-witted to make her feel better. Mother will say, “You give me strength when I’m down and you make me realize how much I love you Jason. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

In my mind, I deeply resent all the extra responsibilities I’ve had to endure since Dad’s death. I never have time to ride my bicycle or to enjoy games like other children. I feel I’m being cheated out of my childhood years and I believe a lot of resentments are building up inside of me. I’ve never discussed this with anyone but I find I’m questioning God more and more as to why this has happened to our family. I haven’t discussed this with Mother because I see how much she is already suffering. I see her frailties and how worried she looks at times and this distresses and depresses me even more. There’s no laughter in our home and each day we miss Dad more and more. At first, it was as though he would come back to our family. It took me weeks to realize this wasn’t going to happen.