Women are nurturers and caregivers. We are enthusiastic givers, but lousy receivers. We can be stingy with our self love, so that even when we have money for a treat, we opt for practicality (How far can I make this money stretch? Can I find a cheap Target version?) rather than indulgence, where we buy one thing that makes our heart sing.
For years I denied myself my love of beautiful clothes, often out of necessity as our budget didn’t allow it. But continual sacrifice didn’t make me happy, only cranky and deprived. I think of times when my husband and I were invited to fancy parties, and we stayed home because I didn’t have anything to wear.
I recognize, that on the grand scale of things, a new dress doesn’t rank up there with fighting world hunger, or even teaching kindness to my children. But as a wise woman told me, “True generosity begins with yourself.”
This past winter I broke my pattern of self-denial. I had $200 set aside for a winter coat. I searched for weeks: I didn’t want to settle for something ordinary. Then I found a floor length, plum colored wool and cashmere coat, trimmed in real fur, at 75% off. When it came in the mail, I sat in my living room and cried it was so elegant. I tried it on and felt like a Russian princess.
I’ve gotten more compliments on my coat than on any piece of clothing I’ve ever owned. Every time I wear it I feel fabulous. Therein lies the power of generosity, of giving to oneself: I spent money – a lot of money, for me – on my coat. I could’ve scrimped and saved and made it stretch as far as possible. I could’ve put the money towards something more practical. But, with each wearing, my coat’s value doesn’t diminish. It expands, to fill my life with beauty and appreciation until my cup overflows.
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