Supporting Divorced Moms with Kids

When my parents divorced, we moved from the East coast to the Midwest. Mom rode Chicago’s El train to her secretary job at an advertising agency, I held my Snoopy stuffed animal frightened in the corner of my first grade class, and my older sisters infiltrated already formed cliques in their lunchroom. When the “welcome wagon” woman called, back when welcoming a family into a neighborhood was a common courtesy, she brought over a basket of goodies. Back then, community came to the aid of broken families. Nowadays it feels as if a strong woman has to get out there and comb the streets in order to find support from her village.

Stephanie Scarpulla was lucky that she already had her village. With her own children’s clothing line, bluebird, and store in the Lower Haight district of San Francisco, Stephanie took motherhood and singledom and made them one in the same. “I never acted like I was the single mom in the room,” she said in a phone interview. “Half the time I’m a single girl, and half the time I’m the mom.”

Mom to Mia, age seven, and Lily, age nine, Scarpulla spoke to me about the best ways friends and family can reach out to moms going through a recent divorce.

Keep Inviting.
Stephanie always accepted the invites from her married friends. “Even if intimidating, I didn’t let myself be bothered, which paid off, because to lose those [married] friends is so hard. They turned out to be some of the most supportive friends.”

Moms who have shared custody might have their kids on the weekends, so remember to include them in family events. “I have to tell them that I have the kids [on the weekend], because if you miss a couple of get-togethers, you don’t always get asked again.”

Stephanie also made sure to maintain responsibility for her own social life. “I would have dinner parties at my house, that’s a very married event. I started hosting couples as well. I was always comfortable around both husbands and wives, and I have one single mom friend who’s always invited, but the rest are couples.”