Post-Baby Sex: Yes, It’s Possible!

Having a baby is a wondrous time. It’s filled with overwhelming love and awe for the little person you two have brought into the world. And yet, at the same time, it can be filled with much anxiety and stress. As a new mom, your body is recouping from childbirth and perhaps a C-section, and the little sleep and long days caring for your infant can banish any thoughts of sex. I remember fantasizing about a full night’s sleep when my son was having crying jags every two hours and I was breastfeeding on demand. Poor husbands don’t always understand. Most obstetricians advise women to wait four weeks after delivering vaginally and six weeks after a cesarean before resuming sexual relations. But what if it’s been three months after giving birth and you still can’t muster up the energy? It’s understandable, on the one hand. Perhaps you, too, are breastfeeding on demand every two to three hours? Perhaps your child has colic and you’re enduring long, crying jags daily? The lack of sleep and long days wear you down. But they are also wearing down your relationship with your partner.

 

Any couple who goes two weeks without having sex (exempting the period just after birth, or illness) is currently in a “state of an emergency” in their relationship, says Barbara Bartlik, M.D., assistant professor of psychiatry at Weill Medical College of Cornell University in New York, whose private practice specializes in the treatment of sexual problems.

 

“If it has been more than two weeks without sex, it is an emergency,” explains Bartlik. “That’s because an orgasm releases oxytocin, the bonding hormone. This hormone actually makes you feel more bonded to one another.”

 

For that reason, Bartlik explains that couples should try to find the time at least once a week—even in those early parenting days. For the other days of the week, luckily, touching will help keep the bonds strong too.

 

“Reach out and touch every day. When you walk by, touch. Hold hands. Give massages. Touching also releases oxytocin. Orgasms, however, bring oxytocin levels up to five times the base line. So even if you don’t feel in the mood, you should do it any way,” Bartlik urges.