Choosing a Guardian

I remember the morning of September 11, vividly. I could barely manage to hurl my huge body out of bed at 6:00 a.m. I was six weeks away from delivering our son and felt like a beached whale. The phone kept ringing and my husband finally answered it, his best friend calling to tell him to turn on the TV. I remember stroking my immense belly as tears slowly fell down my face, while watching, dumfounded, as smoke plumed from the World Trade Center. I’m sure everyone will remember this day and the days that followed. My heart went out to all the children who lost mothers and fathers. It was during the weeks following 9/11, after reading story after story about the children whose lives were instantly shattered, that my husband and I suddenly began to think of life insurance with some urgency. When William was born, we realized we needed to choose a legal guardian as well.

A legal guardian is someone you choose to raise your child in the case you and your partner die. It’s not an easy task to think about. We did finally pick a couple for this, but because of moving and illness and other stresses, including moving countries, we actually did not write up a will. This is horrible to admit, isn’t it? We know we’re negligent, but now we’re uncertain of who to choose as we now live thousands of miles away from that couple and the move would be especially hard on him.

Experts say we are hardly alone in our hesitancy, but it can result in negligence. Even though the likelihood of both parents dying is small—no one wants the guardian choice to be in limbo.

Paula Allison of Allison Consulting, an estate planning law firm based in Sacramento, California says, “No one will raise your kids as well as you. Deal with that reality. What you want is the best among your choices. And the choices may not be ideal, but they are better than no choice. It’s better for you to choose than to allow family members to fight it out or have the court appoint someone.”