“I hate eggs.”
“No, you don’t. Miss Phyllis said you like them.”
“NOOOOOOOO!” she wailed. Hearing his sister cry, Christopher joined in, followed by Sarah. Frustrated, I scraped the eggs in to the dog’s dish. “Little ingrates,” I fumed.
That was a Sunday, so we all piled into the van and drove to church. At the appointed time I herded the older two kids in front of me so I could receive communion, the baby nestled like a little kangaroo in the pouch over my midriff. As pastor bent over to give Christopher a blessing, my little cherub reached out and landed a powerhouse blow into the elderly gentleman’s midsection, shouting, “NOOOOOOOOOO!” Father Will was still muttering about ill-mannered children when I hastily retreated to my seat.
“Whatever happened to the honeymoon?” I wondered. As part of our foster parent training, we had attended a session with veteran foster parents who talked with us about the “honeymoon” phase of foster parenting a child who was recently placed in a new home. Initially, the child may be on his best behavior, especially if he has been placed in more than one foster home. In time, however, the child begins to relax as he realizes he is there to stay for the foreseeable future. At that time, the foster parents begin to see the child act out in new ways, as he seeks to express the anger, fear, and pain bottled up inside him that he didn’t feel safe to express before.
This phenomenon can be observed in “spiritual families” as well. Some of us have unseen issues, guilty secrets, and embarrassing truths that affect the way we respond to the world around us. However, we do our best to hide this unflattering side of ourselves in an effort to “blend in” to our faith environment. Some people never feel quite safe enough. As a senior in high school, I remember the day a friend of mine—someone who had sat next to me nearly every Sunday for ten years—told me she sometimes thought of killing herself. My sister’s friend waited six years to confide in her that her father sometimes touched her in places he shouldn’t. We struggle with sadness and anger and disillusionment and doubt, afraid to reveal our true selves. Instinctively we prolong the “honeymoon,” figuring that even if God loves us, our spiritual brothers and sisters may not be willing to cut us quite so much slack.
Those who find courage to show their true selves, however, are rewarded a hundredfold. God loves us, even when we are at our most embarrassing, and in His grace has provided the means to be cleansed even from our darkest deeds, if we but turn to him. It is this process of turning, of learning to trust, that helps us to conform to the image of our beloved Father and His Son.
We know that the whole creation has been groaning in travail together until now; and not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait for adoption … (Romans 8:22-24).
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