Jacques Pepin Is Misunderstood

By: Allison Walters (View Profile)

It began, obviously, on a Saturday morning. I had no plans and my boyfriend had just left for the day, leaving me all alone with my PBS; my recipe to a perfect morning. I had a birthday dinner to host the following weekend so I was eagerly awaiting the menu Jacques would deliver that morning. The program began and as anticipated his menu was perfect: Tomatoes Provencale for starters, then Chicken Cassoulet would be the main course and for dessert, the Pièce de résistance, would be a simple unbaked chocolate cake; for people who like dense assertive chocolate desserts. Mmm, yes please. Commercial break, I grab my homemade cookbook and get prepared.

Writing down recipes while watching them demonstrated in unison is a somewhat difficult task. I imagine 90 years down the road when my grandchildren find this old cookbook in some dusty box, they’ll likely believe it less a cookbook and more scribbles in a foreign language; but it’s my system and it hasn’t failed me yet. The commercial is over and Jacques is ready to begin cooking.

OK, here we go. He begins with the tomatoes. I start writing: cut in halves, olive oil, parsley, thyme. s and p, toss, garnish, done. Easy enough. Onto Chicken Cassoulet, a bit more difficult. Bone a chicken, navy beans, water onions celery, salt boil, ahhh slow down Jacques. I’m a little lost. Asterisk*, note ingredients and look up later online. Another commercial, this one’s a call for PBS donations. Good. Enough time to refill my coffee cup and go to the bathroom. I jump back on the couch in time for the chocolate cake. My scribbling resumes: line a loaf pan with parchment paper, mix in bowl-1 tsp rum, (mmm, liquor, I like the cake already) 1tsp vanilla, bittersweet chocolate, sugar, stick butter and an 8 oz can of chefsnet purée. Mix, pour in pan and chill for four hours. Ok, that’s really easy and looks amazing, but chefsnet purée, what’s that? He magically hears my inquiry. “Chefsnet purée, or zomtimez called chefsnet spread, can uzually be vound at zee specialty food stores. Tiz in zee bakeen department and it vreally makes zis chocolate cake delectable”. Perfect, that’s what I like about Jacques, he knows all these little tricks. I’ll be sure to get my supplies at Whole Foods, it may be more expensive, but I’ll save myself the extra trip as they really do have the best selection.

1 reader liked this story.
share
bookmarks
Comments
posted: 06.29.2007
Nikki Clancy
Great story! Had me guessing what "chefsnet" was the entire time.
posted: 06.22.2007
Juliette Betancourt
Oh, chestnut purée, but of course! Hi-LAR-ious!
posted: 06.22.2007
Brie Cadman
I love that a group of whole foods people stood around for five minutes or so scratching their heads while reading your product request card. Probably took them a few readings aloud to figure out what the heck the frenchie meant!
posted: 06.21.2007
Monique Peterson
This is hilarious. You had me laughing the whole time. Loved it! And am now equally inspired to go make some "best of ass" cake!
It feels good to write.

Your stories, musings, and advice are welcome here. We know you've got something to share, so jump in—maybe get a little famous. And don't worry—you can save a draft!

most liked
Loader_buff
Other topics you might appreciate
Body & Soul Play Parenting